India Arie coined the term “I Am Not My Hair,” in her 2006 release Testimony: Vol.1, Life & Relationship–somewhere between that time and now people have missed that, and are using their hair as some form of superiority over one another.
The thing that disturbs me is the fact that black women are feeding into this. We are constantly being ridiculed in society when Black guys leave us for white women, or when we read statistics about how we are going to inevitably end up single and bitter because we are not submissive, to make matters worse we are using dead follicles as a way to classify and stereotype each other.
I’ve heard girls with perms and presses say that girls with natural hair smell bad, or look like they stink. I’ve heard girls with natural hair say that girls with perms and presses are trying to fit into white standards and that they are closer to their roots because they chose to wear your hair natural. My thing is, your hair doesn’t make you any closer to the roots of your culture, that’s the foundation laid out by your family so at times I get offended by that statement, or rather, baffled.
Me personally, I don’t want to be grouped in any of these categories– I wear my hair the way I want to because that’s what I want to do. I got my first perm when I was 16, so Jr. year of high school, before that I just had a press that I got done every two weeks. I was completely fine with having a press because I had always heard the horror stories about perms how people’s hair would fall out and etc but being that I was so active– Tap and Jazz 4 times a week, plus a cheerleader, practice 3 times a week and a game, my hair was always getting nappy– the kitchen specifically. So every morning before I would go to school my mom would have to press my hair which was probably pulling out my hair so she made me get a perm.
I got tracks in high school like sophomore year, and it was just for highlights not adding any additional length or anything to my hair. That lasted for a little over 2 months, I wasn’t feeling the glue on my scalp and the fact when I had to wear my hair half up half down (white school, only black cheerleader) I’d have these humps in the front of my head.
I got tracks again in the back for senior prom, and this time they were braided in and I was in love with them. I loved the fact I could really do anything with my hair and not have to worry about it being damaged. I think that’s where the so called “addictive” nature of weaves come into play because you can do virtually everything and it’s not harsh on your hair because it’s not your hair. That’s why I like fake hair at times, but I do love natural hair as well. I’ve tried to rock a fro but maybe from perms my hair has got thinner because a fro doesn’t last with me, it gets knocked down by the wind. I wanted dreads for a large segment of my life–because I really just think they are easy and beautiful especially the thin wavy kind. The only reason I didn’t get them is because the lack of versatility and I can’t just stay with one hair style all the time.
Right now, I have no perm really– I’ve been growing it out for a while, but I do have tracks again only because the last perm I got, they either didn’t wash it out all the way or either it was too strong for my head and it burnt out a batch of my hair. I have tracks in the back, just 3, but this is only until that grows– or until Fall which falls first, then I’ll get a bob or something.
My dismay comes with the fact that I’ve heard people act as if they are better because of their personal hair preference and it’s really idiotic to me. How do you expect ignorant men like Slum Thug to appreciate us and value us, we we can’t even do that ourselves?
Here are just some videos I wanted to show about the debate either way.
Speaking of Slim Thug, he’s an idiot.
Rapper Slim Thug, doesn’t like us. I would tell you songs by him, but I don’t know any I just remember the one with him and his ex-girlfriend Letoya Luckett, “She Don’t. “ I know people are going to use that as his defense… he had a black girlfriend. Sure, but at this pivotal moment and then now he doesn’t, but so yes, he wrote a blog post for Vibe magazine essentially stating his disdain for black women and just my opinions with what he said…
Him: “Black women have to bow down, start cooking and be down for they man more.”
My opinion: Sure some women, need to be more domestic for their men, but do you all deserve it… no! Me personally, I have no issue cooking for my man, it’s actually fun to me, but I feel a man needs to do something too. If I cook, why not take out the trash? Even trade right? Then there’s also the women who are working the 9-5 daily so they may not have the time everyday to cook and unwind. So for him to make this statement baffles me, it appears since he’s a “rapper” who never went platinum, he has the free time, but his black woman that he speaks of or never had, probably worked.. obviously he was staying home or something because he hasn’t delivered anything substantial in his music career.
I think a lot of black women are down for their men, not to bring negative statistics in there, but I look at female family members and their friends who have men in jail. These women, are down for their men so much that they don’t ever find anyone else because they want to remain loyal. I think that’s calling the kettle black or however the cliché goes, more black men need to be down for their women, after all we are the ones being left to dry and getting the short end of the stick marriage wise when they date out of their race, and majority of black women don’t. (I’m not included in that I love all men! )
Him: “My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy ass shit. And she’s a smart girl too. She graduated from Columbia and I like that about her so its cool.”
My Opinion: Being that I do have some white friends, I at times feel offended when I hear things like this. Basically, it’s saying white women are submissive so they are better, but if I was white I’d be offended. I think also, this is selling yourself short by saying you want things that are easy for you to get… not good. Your lack of effort may be the hurdle in your relationship with the black woman, no woman wants a man not willing to work hard.
End Point. Black women I believe, speaking as a black woman, do the same things that white women or any other women do, but I think some black men use it as justification to do something different. If you don’t want to date in your race—do you, find who makes you happy, because it’d really be bogus to say “your black stick to your kind,” right? I know a lot of black women get disgruntle for the fact that your dating outside of your race, but for me, the issue comes when you feel you need to discount us to do you, and not only are you discounted black women, your basically saying to a white woman “you’re a slut, you’ll let me fuck, you’ll suck my dick that’s why I like you.” And your telling us black women, “you’re too strong so I’m fearful and intimidated by your worth.” Not cool from either viewpoint.
I know Slim Thug’s not the only one to say negative things like this, and honestly, he probably said it because he needs publicity. He’s a has been, still wears braids with a hairline that’s soon to recede, plus when we say Slim Thug, can you think of any of his music?
*crickets*
